Today’s blog post come’s in from Zuffalig Madchen a dear friend of the Sexy Savvy Geek. I had gone out to dinner with Zuff and asked her how her recent convention had gone. Throughout her story I begged her to write me a word doc and to please allow me to post it to my blog. Ladies and gents, Zuff has obliged.
Cosplay: or How I Managed to Finally Get Laid at CONvergence.
I’ve been attending CONvergence for the last 5 years. In just about every instance I have been single and passively looking. I’d always heard the joke that if you aren’t able to get laid at CON you have no hope. I have no problems outside of CON, but for some reason I’ve never gotten lucky…as it were.
This year for the first time ever I decided to do some cosplay. For those not familiar it’s where you dress as a character from a TV show, movie, anime, etc. This year I started with the intentions of one….and wound up with three separate costumes.
The first costume of the weekend was Sailor Pluto. Sailor Pluto is one of the secondary Sailor Senshi in the Sailor Moon universe. I love the show and picked that costume because it was mostly black and had shoes that I already owned.
Sailor Pluto…hawt no?
I was only able to wear this costume for approximately an hour as I had to do a quick change and help a party room bartend.
The next night I dressed as a Romulan. This is where things get interesting….and I don’t entirely understand why….I mean come on…
Now when I say I have a costume for this I’m talking the ears, the hair, the forehead ridges….the shoulder pads. I can’t say it’s a particularly attractive look for me. Regardless, I’m outside having a smoke and I find myself sitting across the table from a female friend who is in the later stages of intoxication and this guy who I’ve had a little crush on for….well since I started going to CON. She staggers off for another drink and he turns to me and begins a conversation with me. Now I’ll note that he’s a bit tipsy but not full blown drunkerpants. He introduces himself (yes I know who you are Captain Hottie) and we have a very comfortable conversation.
All of a sudden he gets a look on his face…like he’s made up his mind about something…and he proceeds to start flirting with me. I’m….I don’t know what I am. My brain is telling me he’s drunk, but that little crush bubbles up and says FUCK HIM BEFORE HE’S SOBER YOU MORON!. I take the little crush’s advise and we saunter merrily away to the hotel room.
As we are waiting in line for the elevators I look at him and (like an idiot) ask, “you are aware…that I look nothing like I do right now…and also…you’re about to fuck a Romulan right? I can’t take these appliances off or my makeup artist is going to fucking kill me”. He gives me this lusty little look and says “I guess it’s a good thing I’m a huge Trekkie then isn’t it.” I proceeded to shut the hell up for the rest of the elevator trip.
Back in the hotel room I tell him to have a seat as I head into the bathroom to take a leak and also to insert my diaphragm. I do this for two reasons. There is no GODDAMN way I’m having an unexpected baby and second, I’d been spotting and didn’t feel like making that obvious on white sheets. I get out to the room and we proceed to get me out of the damn costume. Dress, boots, leggings, underbust corset (unattractive belly fat), bra, socks, underwear. He’d conveniently undressed while I was in the bathroom.
Then began the great condom hunt in which he couldn’t find his pants to grab his, I couldn’t find my entire stash (they were somewhere obvious yet laid undiscovered for another 24 hours) and I couldn’t find any in my roommates bag. We finally found his pants and his condom (blue? Really? People actually buy those?)
I’m not going to go into great detail because that just isn’t my way. Fade to black and all that…
Use your imagination….
Anyway so suffice to say it’s actually good…..really good….so good I actually hope that he finds me attractive when I’m normal looking and calls me, good.
Just as we are getting into the groove (heh groove) of things he pulls out and realizes the condom has gone missing. Figuring it’s up in me somewhere he dives in with his hands and goes “A-HA!…wait what the hell did I just pull out of you?”….. My diaphragm…give it back…*shoves it back in*. I find the condom directly underneath me which is where I expected it would be BEFORE his spelunking episode. We went back to the sexing and all was well.
Surprisingly he remembered me the next day looking all normal…even my name. I’m so proud.
The next night I dressed as Batgirl…but not just any Batgirl. I have lots of tattoos and piercings…and a mohawk. After the epic Sailor Pluto wig I was not in the mood for more wigs, so I decided to alter the Batgirl costume enough to reflect my appearance. Punk Batgirl is born. I managed to break one friend’s brain and then get happily intoxicated for the first time that weekend. I’m drinking with my friend who is also all dressed up and our motley crew of friends head outside for a smoke. We find an area that will fit all of us but there is this ADORABLE guy sitting at one of the seats alone dressed as a David Tennant Doctor Who. I’m drunk and want to sit down…so I sit on him. He seems not to mind. We all enjoy a fun conversation and then my friends all fade away to bed or home or wherever. I decide to ask this find Doctor to walk me to my room. I have no interest in sleeping with him (low libido mixed with amazing sex the night before and I was still good) but I figure what’s a little making out. I stand up to go inside and then look down…at the dude…who is SIGNIFICANTLY shorter than me. I kind of boggle and say “um…I didn’t know they made men that short…you’re…bite sized!” and then I bit him. He still walked me to my room which surprised the hell out of me. Come to find out he’s a mere 5’2”.
I drag him back to my
lair room and proceed to make out with him. He crawls on top of me…the height difference is very noticeable…his feet are only touching just below my knees. I’m trying so hard not to giggle and I manage this feat until he begin puppy humping my leg. Seriously it’s my leg, he can’t even manage to maneuver to where it might actually do me some good. I burst out laughing and finally have to ask the inevitable question “are you old enough to be in my hotel room right now?” He laughs and says he’s 23. I start laughing harder at which point my roommate comes in and he springs off me and to the other side of the room like he’s expecting him to be holding shotgun and yelling “GET OFF MUH DAUGHTER!!!”. Which of course prompts me to laugh even harder, I’m weeping I’m laughing so hard. I tell the roommate I am assuredly not sleeping with him and introduce the two. Roommate is amused…proceeds to grab the last slice of pizza….that I’d been saving for drunken noms the bastard….and fed me a bite and then devoured it. Puppy looks so confused and lost he just tosses his shoes on and flees. I look at the roommate and ask “did you know they made men that small?” He prompts me to get into jammies and go to sleep.
Puppy has since added me on facebook but has wisely not commented on anything yet…
Still no phone call from Captain Hottie….
Overall, a truly fantastic CONvergence.