Disconnect

I’m finding myself at a disconnect with my kink life. I’m somewhat okay with that. I’ve discovered that I yearn for punishment when I am stressed out. I’ve recently quit working and gone back to school full time. Which has shockingly reduced my stress levels.

With that being said I am finding that I crave more vanilla things like cuddling and good morning/good night text messages. Phone calls or text messages just to say “Hi” or “Miss you”.

At this point in my life as much as I crave these softer these softer things I also know that it’s not the right time for them. I started seeing a gut who I adored. Too bad he wasn’t ready for (didn’t want) the same things that I did (a relationship).

I’ve mostly come to terms with that and have accepted a friends with benefits position with him. It satisfies my more primal cravings of sexual satisfaction but leaves me emotionally unsatisfied. I’m not really sure if I am just ove analyzing or if this is all we will ever be.

For now I’ll keep to my constant of accepting what I get, not expecting more and coping with the lack of emotional satisfaction. This is a ride I’ve ridden before, while it can often leave me wanting I’ll stick around because it’s better than being completely alone.