Guest Post: Please Excuse Me While I Fuck This Guy….[guitar riff]

Dear friends of the wonderful and talented SSG,

I am drunk, and SSG has given me access to post on her blog.  That silly silly girl.  I love her so much, but her timing is just awful….or ingenious!!!  Watch as the Random Girl blogs, gets more drunk, and shamelessly self promotes a bunch of crap I mostly ignore!

Sparkling Pink Moscato is the devil’s brew, this is mostly gone now.
 
Anyway, I can fathom a guess as to what she wants me to write about.  Something I’ve been super lazy about writing about on my own blog Zufällig Mädchen  (That means Random Girl in German, I’m just amazingly creative right?).
Many moons ago through the wonder and glory that is Twitter, I was following an amazing online EBM (aka music you’ve probably never heard of) radio station which is run by a guy who actually responds to tweets.  Dude shoots me a message asking if I’d be willing to review the music of a new band.  Well I said to myself “Gee self, you like this type of music, you like to write, AND you love to have your alter-ego name in print.  You need to do this”.  So I sat down and I listened to this wonderful music and I wrote up a totally spiffy review for them and made (twitter) friends with the singer of the group.
Flash forward to a dark and stormy night in October, when I am heading to the Triple Rock for a concert which features the band I’d been talking to and two others that sounded pretty awesome. I had actually purchased VIP tickets for this show so I could get in early and chat with the dude from the band from the Twitters (ya dig?).  Sure I probably could have sweet-talked myself in early but they are a little known band that is actually good so I wanted to show them support.  As I write this I’m trying to give dude a moniker but I’m having difficulties….. I shall call him Metatron because his voice is seriously that good.
So part of the VIP is the usual t-shirt/lanyard combo, a poster (which I still don’t have), a “tour” of the bus, and the ability to get in early and chat with the bands.  Metatron introduces me to the whole slew of bands and band members.  All are adorable, cute, sweet and, wonderfully talented.  After meeting the band members from the UK brigade of which 2/3 are actually British…and from Manchester…and oh god…anyway, BritChick remarks to BritDude and NotBrit that I have a completely wonderful ass and proceeds to lead me around in front of her by my ass.  She, in perspective was…holy fuck gorgeous….I’d just shown up from work.
We decide to do the tour of the bus…and of the 4 of us with VIP we conveniently forgot to invite 3. :-D
All the bands and me piled in the bus and proceeded to start drinking.  NotBrit and I then went to the bar/restaurant attached to the venue and grabbed some food and beer.  We chatted about many things while we ate our food, walked to my car to deposit my tour shirt and grab my spare e-cig battery (it’s the wave of the future people).  We sat under the overhang sharing my e-cig while we waited for the show to start, drank more on the bus with the Brits and the band of white tie wearing cute boys until Metatron’s band went on.
His set was wonderful.  There were a grand total of….4 paying customers there at this point including myself, so all the bands (and me) rushed the stage and danced and drank and showed Metatron some mega love even if there was no crowd. It was a blast for all of us.  NotBrit proceeds to buy me more beer!  The second act comes on which was the cute boys with the white ties.  We also showed them lots of love…while drinking yet more beer. Meanwhile there is one chick from the VIP brigade who is shooting death rays at me for cavorting with the bands.  I kind of wanted to take her aside and tell her the reason why they were hanging with me was because I treated them like real people, where she went all fangirl and practically ejaculated uberlove from the mouth when she met all of them….but I didn’t, because I was drunk and thought the entire scenario was funny as fuck.
Cute boys’ set ended and the local band was due to go on and absolutely none of us gave a flying fuck about them so it was back to the tour bus for more drinking!!!  I managed up to this point to take a couple of pictures of Metatron but that was as far as I’d gotten.  NotBrit is getting more hands on, BritGuy and Girl are asking if they can watch/join, and Metatron is making commentary about what he would *love* to do to me were he not in a committed relationship and then shoved me even further in the direction of NotBrit going so far as to tell the both of us if we didn’t fuck that night he would take it as a personal affront.
Set change again and this time it’s Britchick/Guy/NotBrit.  I am absolutely hammered and it’s the last set of the show.  All of the bands (and me) have rushed the stage, the three paying customers are mostly hanging back except for one that got dubbed at a later concert “Cookoo BananaPants v2.0″ by an internationally known band. Anyway, they rocked, we danced, I was belle of the fucking ball and all the boys wanted to dance with me (seriously, they took turns dancing with me).
The set ended.  NotBrit left the stage walked to me….finished my beer…grabbed me by the back of the hair and led me out of the venue and directly into the tour bus.  He pushed me to the back of the bus and into the bathroom, locked the door and shoved me against it.  He ripped my pants down and began to kiss me with the intensity of a starved man while shoving his hand farther and farther in me.  He then shoved me face first in to the sink and impaled me.  He fucked me hard and fast and in the middle of his thrusting somehow managed to bend down and bite me hard and repeatedly on the hip and ass.  The bruising lasted for days, if only the fucking had.  What seemed like ages but was really only a respectable amount of time in which I’m pretty positive anyone in the three block radius heard me shrieking to a deity I don’t believe in.
We went outside for a smoke as a signal the bands could get in the tour bus again, went back inside the bus and we all drank and danced and had a grand time.  I lost my camera in the bus somewhere but didn’t particularly care.  The tour manager indicated it was time to head to the next city so I departed and they drove away.  Best sex I’ve had in three years.
Tl:Dr – I had sex with a random member of a band I hardly knew in the bathroom of a tour bus and it was the best sex I’d had in a very very long time.
Thanks for reading.  I’m going to go drink more wine now.

(What she doesn’t embellish on, is just how epic the sex is. Hopefully when she’s not in her cups we can get that part of the story from her too!)